THE BLIND DATE –

part 1

Marsha had sworn off dating. Nearly every first date ended the same. With death. The man simply keeled over.

No, Marsha was not slipping poison into their drinks or shooting large doses of heroin into their arms.

Truth be told, the deaths were the men’s fault. She gave them specific instructions, and being the gender that always thinks they are right, the men did not follow the instructions. They had to be the ones to make the rules, not her. And it cost them the ultimate.

However, there was one man who did follow her requests, and his death was neither a result of his aggressiveness or need to break the rules. It was entirely an accident.

It was the fourth date when it happened. Up to that point, he had been respectful and continued do so. When she was with him, he made her laugh, and she found herself looking forward to the next date. This one had true potential.

They were at his apartment, a tidy one bedroom with sparse furniture and a rabbit named Fred that hopped around with freedom and glee as he chewed on the baseboards. They settled on his couch, obviously something his mom insisted he purchase from Crate and Barrel. It was nice but not his style.

They proceeded to kiss, light at first, and then with a bit more intensity. Passion bubbled through both and before either realized, they were going at it hot and heavy.

It was then he knocked the turban off her head.

Yes, Marsha almost always wore a large turban, often a pink and turquoise one. Sometimes, she mixed it up and wore a large floppy red hat instead or a ridiculous beehive wig.

The head covering was a life-or-death situation. It served a purpose greater than anyone would expect. You see, Marsha suffered from Medusa Syndrome.

It started in her early twenties, with itchy nubs protruding from her scalp. In a few weeks, they shot out to look like sticks, and before long, they had eyes and tongues that flicked in the air. They were full on reptiles, more specifically, snakes. Marsha was terrified.

They waved in the air, happy to have a home and not much responsibilities. She didn’t know what to do, but going to the doctor seemed out of the question. They might lock her away in a laboratory, performing scan after scan, test after test, blood draw after blood draw. She showed them to her best girlfriends who suggested she keep them covered.

Her best friend asked, “Do you have to feed them?”

She didn’t know.

But it didn’t take long for Marsha to discover that if a non-relative male human looked at the snakes, they collapsed clutching their chests. In a few minutes, they passed away from a heart-attack. She was even more horrified by this than the actual snakes.

Interestingly enough, the snakes had no effect on women. Marsha sometimes wondered if she shouldn’t switch to being a lesbian.

Still, she wanted to be in a relationship with the opposite sex. She went on dates with the men, giving them clear instructions to never remove her head covering. Most couldn’t make it through one date before ripping it off. She didn’t understand the desire to see what was there. Did they think she was bald? And if so, so what?

Back to the man who made it to the fourth date. He followed her instructions and ticked off all the right boxes. He volunteered to feed a cat colony once a week. He visited the nursing home and played songs on his guitar, just for the fun of it. He had steady employment and made wise choices with his money. He had a pet rabbit that he adored.

But more importantly, he was fun to be with. He made Marsha laugh until the corner of her eyes crinkled, and tiny tears of joy slipped out.

It was the make-out session on the couch that accidentally knocked the turban off and cost him his life. Crying, she ran out of the apartment, and swore off dating.

Now her friend wanted her to go on a blind date. This was a bad idea. It could only end one way.

Her friend insisted. Just this one, to see if she liked him.

Reluctantly, she agreed.

They met in a low-key, not very busy restaurant that had a reputation of not serving you what you ordered. You told the waiter you wanted spaghetti, and you got minestrone soup.

You asked for a steak, you got grilled chicken. Still, Marsha liked the place. It was adventure to eat there.

When she arrived, he was already at the table, the glow from the candle on the table flickering. It reflected in the wrap around sunglasses he wore.

She sat down and introduced herself. She extended her hand. He did the same, four inches left to her hand.  

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, “You’re blind!”

He stiffened.

“Is that a problem?”

“No, absolutely not.” She couldn’t hide the glee in her
voice.

He frowned.

Her friend was right. This one might actually work.

PART 2 will be posted shortly.